OK, so it’s not exactly the right idea, but it does show alot of the right ingredients…
Tis odd to me, that I wrestle with this idea so much. I named my blog after homesteading, for goodness sake. I did that because it’s a part of me I can’t escape, despite how I’ve tried. Something in my gut, deeper than I can root out, cries out to plant and till (not necessarily in that order!), get a mini milk cow, raise livestock, fix as much of our food as I can off of my own land.
Maybe it’s that I don’t have my own land, and I’m afraid my landlords are going to go back on telling me I could do what I want that way, like the last one did.
Maybe it’s that the urgency of the burning in my gut honestly terrifies me a bit.
Maybe it’s that I don’t trust my own hearing, or myself, to do it “right”. Then I come back at myself with “for goodness sake, how many wrong ways can there be to turn over a shovel full of dirt?”
I’ve raised chicks to laying hens, and loved it. Maybe it’s because I had to sell them, and the three I was going to keep and bring with me said last landlady wouldn’t let me take with me, and then killed them. And I feel guilty.
Alot of it is trying to figure out how in the world to fit tending crops and animals around the 3 jobs I work and the bare minimum of house tending I do now. Why grow a garden when I’ve not time to cook? That sort of thing.
Some of it is fear of actually making a home….a REAL home. Something that I’ve never been allowed or able to do before. Now that I find myself in a place that could *be* a home, and Jesus sorting things out a bit more each day as I work with Him on finances and parenting and all the other etc of life, now, I am in a place I could do that. And I find I hardly know what to do. Or I fear I do.
It’s amazing how crippling fear can be. Fear can keep you from mixing up a batch of cookies, for goodness sake. I’m using that phrase too much. But today, it works.
But perfect love casts out fear. I find it interesting that He specified “perfect” love. Not just any ol’ “love”…His love. God’s love casts out fear. Jesus, Spirit, Father’s loves cast out fear. It’s part of why I pray things like “Jesus, come…” or “Your kingdom come, Your will be done”. His will is love, in it’s entirety, with all of it’s repercussions.
Holy Ones…let Your love live in me…bring Your love and life to fruition here, in this little bit of Your kingdom, help me to walk in it. And to get out the shovel. Cuz it’s time to get the compost in the ground!