Posts Tagged With: gardening

Lessons From a Wandering Jew

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photo credit: Peas, on Flicker

Before my back injury, mine looked very much like this. It didn’t do well with the tender care of three teenage boys, and yesterday I decided to see what could be done to save it. The poor thing was about 90% dead leaves.

My Jew is sentimental to me, symbolic. I am very much a symbolism sort, those kinds of things connect deep inside, and help me in the daily remembering. I am also a diehard fan of J.R.R. Tolkien, which is odd for me to say, as I usually shudder at the thought of being a ‘fan’ of anything or anyone. That said, “The Silmarillion” especially, but the whole “Lord of the Rings” series also, spoke strongly to me in the early stages of my healing journey, and helped me along the path. The first time I encountered one of these plants was in the summer of ’08, on a day extremely meaningful to me. I had never seen a plant like it, shimmering silver, purple, and forest green. It wasn’t labeled, but I bought it and brought it home. It was very Elven looking to me, and fit the significance of the day in my heart. I didn’t even know what the plant was until this past year! My original had been left behind when my children and I fled, and I had cried a bit over that plant. Then last year I ran into it again, and again one came home with me, this time with a name. I had my Elven plant back, my commemoration to that day.

Coming home and finding it nearly dead didn’t make me too happy. My oldest-at-home son took it down from it’s hook for me before leaving for school. I set to work on it about 9am, house quiet. I love quiet mornings. I’ve come to accept I Need quiet about as much as I Need air.

The Jew didn’t want to co-operate. Seriously. It held onto those dead leaves like it’s life depended on it, while the still living colorful tendrils fell off all over my counter with barely a breath on them. I soon had a glass of water stuffed full of tendrils and leaves, and a potted plant with all sorts of very dead, very thin, threadlike but hard as wire bare brown tendrils.

It got me to thinking…how firmly do I clench onto the dead, dry shoots in my life that I should be letting go of? And how often do I throw off the vibrant, living shoots in order to cling to the old dead ones?

 

 

 

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Categories: Faith and Wrestling, Gardening, Healing & Growing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Homesteading…?

blog homestead drawing

OK, so it’s not exactly the right idea, but it does show alot of the right ingredients…

Tis odd to me, that I wrestle with this idea so much. I named my blog after homesteading, for goodness sake. I did that because it’s a part of me I can’t escape, despite how I’ve tried. Something in my gut, deeper than I can root out, cries out to plant and till (not necessarily in that order!), get a mini milk cow, raise livestock, fix as much of our food as I can off of my own land.

Maybe it’s that I don’t have my own land, and I’m afraid my landlords are going to go back on telling me I could do what I want that way, like the last one did.

Maybe it’s that the urgency of the burning in my gut honestly terrifies me a bit.

Maybe it’s that I don’t trust my own hearing, or myself, to do it “right”. Then I come back at myself with “for goodness sake, how many wrong ways can there be to turn over a shovel full of dirt?”

I’ve raised chicks to laying hens, and loved it. Maybe it’s because I had to sell them, and the three I was going to keep and bring with me said last landlady wouldn’t let me take with me, and then killed them. And I feel guilty.

Alot of it is trying to figure out how in the world to fit tending crops and animals around the 3 jobs I work and the bare minimum of house tending I do now. Why grow a garden when I’ve not time to cook? That sort of thing.

Some of it is fear of actually making a home….a REAL home. Something that I’ve never been allowed or able to do before. Now that I find myself in a place that could *be* a home, and Jesus sorting things out a bit more each day as I work with Him on finances and parenting and all the other etc of life, now, I am in a place I could do that. And I find I hardly know what to do. Or I fear I do.

It’s amazing how crippling fear can be. Fear can keep you from mixing up a batch of cookies, for goodness sake. I’m using that phrase too much. But today, it works.

But perfect love casts out fear. I find it interesting that He specified “perfect” love. Not just any ol’ “love”…His love. God’s love casts out fear. Jesus, Spirit, Father’s loves cast out fear. It’s part of why I pray things like “Jesus, come…” or “Your kingdom come, Your will be done”. His will is love, in it’s entirety, with all of it’s repercussions.

Holy Ones…let Your love live in me…bring Your love and life to fruition here, in this little bit of Your kingdom, help me to walk in it. And to get out the shovel. Cuz it’s time to get the compost in the ground!

Categories: Faith and Wrestling, Food, Gardening, Goals and Desires, Healing & Growing, Poultry & Livestock | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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